And they float to the surface
Like chunks of cookies in melted ice cream
Things that used to be before
Words by which I’d sworn
Now fuzzy like a dream
Streams of thoughts
PouringGently
Untying knots

It wasn’t true
What I said
About never having played
we once too were teens
And fire flowing through veins
We soaked our passionate hearts dry
with pale white sheets of paper
Which we fashioned into planes
And floated on the random wind
Out the window of our tenement apartment jail
and watch them
fly
watch me
keep on going
with the weight
Of knowing
no one knew
no one still knows
why
a work mule soul would paint a perfectly blue sky with rocking horse shaped clouds
one for every time I died
When my alarm clock forced open my eyes
To another day painfully spent
Running on pre-packaged over-processed poisioned intent
no more delinquent then juvenile
this finger right here is my parental consent
please, I do insist to keep living in blissfull denial
So as to not have to consciously lie
When the critical moment did come
When the system did call me to testify
in one of them neverending public trials
your honor
I know not what for I repent
but at least now I know why
I felt compelled to steal all those art supplies
and failed to learn how to regurgitate facts
cause yes indeed it was true
I must confess
confidence shrunk as bones grew
Eyes turned grey shades
Looking out through a fence I hired the world to erect
Pale skin stretched over a tensed spine
Sun rays dont make this heart smile
didnt I JUST SAY!?
evetythins is JUST FINE
what the hell you lookin at?
This is no PHASE
there is NO pretense
This here
a brand new style im working at
Blaze through
Get dialed
Quick moves
Subtle bling
Look away
Turn
Down
This SOS?
I said it then and there
it never will fly!
Watch this…
buried
in the ground
The less likely to be found
the more intense.

And it was true
deep in this maze of furnished rooms
this prison complex of the utmost self defense
there years and years we spent
knitting tight our little crew
accruing pieces of intent
so hard those days to come about
meticulously charting any possible connection
any non suspect direction of an exit routes
Digging skinny tunnels behind covers of vents
Scouting changes of guards
one time we tied together all our sheets off the beds
and all the table clothes and all the drapes
But tangled out the window unwinding on long bumpy snake
they still would not reach the ground
And so we curled them into a figure 8 on the dining room floor
Channel some infinity into this otherwise seemingly terminal state of our world

Soon after, we learned to mimick the fairies in our childhood books
which we previously grew to resent
Learned how to Disappear
Change shapes
Coordinating with accomplices outside
SOS Notes encoded into party flyers on corner billboards
and homemade mixed tapes
And Waiting
Waiting patiently all this time
For that moment
To bring itself about
When we finally believe
Which is to say, absolutely refuse to deny or to doubt
That we’re willing to give it whatever it takes
And the hell with whatever it is that’s at stake
Cause we deserved to have been forgiven
the evergrowing list of our former mistakes
Ours was bound to be
One phenomenally crafty escape

And it was true!
when it happened
YES there were fireworks
And YES there were free drinks
And HELL YEAH there were gogo girls
singing the theme song
And gay gangsters were rapping about socially conscious bling
And there were synchronicities that refused to be explained by happenstAnce
Like, how there were bull cutters right there
every time we came up on a chainlink fence
And when a road came to a fork
And we’d be freaking out about which way to go
There was always some dork
To somehow voluntarily say
What they believe is for sure the only way
to the most excellent party fun
and reassure us we were right to be choosing the other one
And hell… work we never even really did still paid
And whatever we needed we would find on the side of the street
Neatly laid out in crafty little packages
like a personalized freebie window display
And there was always someone to listen
if you felt you had something important to say
and with all the constant making of love
there was no time to think about wanting to get laid

And when we got the SOS note
from the titanic getting ready to sink
We just welded some dumpsters together
And floated away on an ocean of ice cream
every so often chewing on a cookie floating by
With our pirate flag painted in black and hot pink
we would dance and we’d play and we’d sing our throats raw
And if you happened to be downwind
You could probably hear the romance click with a sighful hurrah
And the days
turned to weeks
turned to years
turned to lifetimes
without even the slightest blink of an eye
never once did the beat drop

It was true
in a sense
We made it unmistakably through
But with time we got wise
Our memories covered with sarcasm mixed thick with concrete
Dug out of otherwise silent downtown streets
where once washed in neon lights and cheap perfume
we cruised our nights and slept our noons
but now in bucketfulls sunk down to the bottom of great rivers and oceans
discreetly we anchored
first by loosing the notion
That there ever was a plan
Not that we ever knew it
but soon we stopped giving thanks
as opposed to commands
lets call this here home
just to test out the ground
Our SOS notes
had gotten all fashioned and stylized
originally meant to be thrown on a wall
but instead deposited with great pain
into empty bottles of booze
which we flushed down the drain
who cares if they ever be found
who dares spend a moment longing
lets get on the phone
see who’s around
some messages
left with answering machines
and yet the question remains unanswered
Communities we now formed underground
like root systems designed to weather storms
Old friends turned nomads
infused with fresh blood
thick with sugary designer drugs
New trends like quicksands
whats this?
a flood
watch me
going through motions
feeling damn next to nothing
cause I think in all the commotion
I might have left my soaked heart
pinned to a tattered piece of rope in the yard
so… yeah… well… fuck you too comrade!
you’re not down!
you’re struggle is not even HALF as hard!
you werent around back in the day
we used to fight the social norms
but now look at us
wev’e already drowned!
let us meet
down in the depths
our ideals
Co-opted
mass-produced
to be sold off the shelf
chunks of cookies polluting clogged arteries.
Reduced to overplayed catchy sound bytes
Designed to seduce deflation
Devoid of context
Depleted of content
And then debunked as cliche
And then Re-packaged
And then Priced-down
And then practically given away
And oh man
did it piss us off
But there was NOTHING left to say
these fuzzy words
down streams of thoughts
they flow
they pouring so ever gently
Untying loosie knots
In a giant sea of cream
What makes a mental note,
a sweet crumbly chunk of memory
of having had that dream
float…
this SOS
I think I wrote it for myslef
but it might make sense to you as well
it reads:
WARNING: objects in mirror may appear more extreme.